101 Things You Probably Didn't Need To Know

101. I don't like cilantro
100. One of my great uncles buzzed Stanford in a small plane, and was expelled.
99. Another great uncle ran off to join the circus, and was never heard from again.
98. Another great uncle was a keystone kop in a Mack Sennett movie.
97. That same great uncle was on the crew of the silent movie one of Laughing Boy's relatives starred in back in 1913. We have a video tape of the movie.
96. As a member of a choir, I sang the national anthem at a Giants' game at Candlestick park.
95. I can't sing.
94. When I was in sixth grade, I wrote a letter to President Gerald Ford, and he sent me back a personal note and a Christmas card.
93. I still ended up a Democrat. Sorry, President Ford!
92. I have left ice cream in the freezer so long, it has died from freezer burn.
91. If that ice cream had been deep fried, it wouldn't have lasted two minutes.
90. My Mom's side of the family is Norwegian. I'm German, Dutch, Scottish and English on my Dad's side. Yes, I glow in the dark.
89. I hate being cold.
88. I hate cooked fish. It tastes like I'm eating pennies.
87. I love sushi.
86. I used to have an extremely dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I miss it.
85. People in L.A. don't get sarcasm. Ever. Any of them. And I don't mean this sarcastically, either. I had to give up #86 because they always thought I was serious.
84. I am never serious.
83. Growing up, I never won a lottery, raffle, door prize or contest, no matter how small.
82. I can't find my glasses without my glasses on.
81. I've fallen on my head hard enough to knock myself out three times.
80. I can't stand having anything tight around my neck. Turtlenecks and chokers are not in my wardrobe.
79. I love the language of "Cyrano de Bergerac", but think the lead characters were all drips.
78. I still love "Cyrano de Bergerac".
77. We don't have any television reception at our house.
76. We have four televisions.
75. I remember many things about my life in great detail, but don't remember what year they happened. Was I in London in 90? 91? 92? No idea.
74. I would rather go through an earthquake than a tornado or a hurricane.
73. I have never lived outside of California.
72. I don't like to eat in the morning.
71. Shopping is boring.
70. I make Laughing Boy go to the figurine shelves at the Drug Store, and show him the ugliest items. "No, wait! This one's uglier! Oh, wait! Look at THIS! So much worse!"
69. I pulled a hideous ceramic elephant out of the trash room at my old apartment, and it keeps me company in my office. It would totally win the "Ugly" Drug Store Contest.
68. I love old pocket watches.
67. I love the shoes from the 40's.
66. I don't like the shoes from the 30's.
65. I've never owned a Beatles album.
64. When I was little, I wanted to be a Ballerina.
63. My natural hair color is blonde.
62. I color it deep red/purple.
61. I get bored sunbathing.
60. I love to read.
59. I have read cereal boxes and motorcycle manuals if there was nothing else around.
58. I like doctors, as people, but do not like to go to doctor appointments.
57. I am allergic to mosquito bites.
56. Mosquitoes love to bite me.
55. My hands get cold all the time.
54. My cell phone ring is set to the theme song for "The Munsters".
53. My newest computer is 6 years old, even though I work on them all day long. I upgrade and upgrade and upgrade until they surrender.
52. I sometimes do a hoppy "Charlie Brown Christmas Special" dance for my own amusement.
51. I hate the taste of pickles, pickled things, and olives.
50. I was terrified of harelquin clowns when I was little.
49. When I was young, for a couple of years I slept with my head at the bottom of the bed and my feet on the pillow. So when the burglars broke in and tried to bash me in the head with a baseball bat, I could still jump out of bed and hobble away.
48. I didn't like "The Brady Bunch" or "Scooby Doo".
47. I loved "Bewitched" and "Kimba the White Lion".
46. I thought it would be cool to have Dick van Dyke for a Dad, because he could climb up the chimneys and fly cars.
45. I have named a pet after my favorite restaurant.
44. I once had a job demonstrating meat smokers.
43. I have never been able to do a single chin up or a pull up.
42. I can still do the splits.
41. I can barely touch my toes anymore.
40. I love champagne.
39. Alcohol during the day puts me straight to sleep.
38. I used to make beer.
37. I have never finished a full beer.
36. I am stubborn.
35. I don't like to be hinted at. If you want something, ask already!
34. No matter how hard I try, I can never get all those neat carpet lines when I vacuum.
33. I am always surprised when I run into someone I haven't seen in a couple of years, and they remember me.
32. I can't recognize people from across a large room, because I'm nearsighted and their features are all fuzzy. I smile and wave anyway, but never greet them by name because I have no idea who's waving at me.
31. I can't hear a word people are saying if it's in a crowded restaurant and music is playing.
30. If, after the third time I ask them to repeat whatever they're saying, I still have no idea, I smile and nod, and say yes. Or shake my head and say no. Randomly.
29. I have offended people due to #30 through #32.
28. If I have done # 32 and you think I must be mad at you, or I have done #30 and offended you, I am sorry.
27. A double espresso at 3 a.m. will not keep me awake.
26. I hate being woken up, no matter how gently or cheerfully. I especially hate the cheerfully.
25. I like toast well done and dry, without butter or margarine or jam.
24. I have never had a pepperoni pizza without burning the roof of my mouth on the hot grease puddled in the pepperoni.
23. I know #24, and still, the next time I have a piece of pepperoni pizza, I will burn my mouth.
22. I love deep fried cheese sticks. I dip them in Ranch dressing. Fat, fried in fat, dipped in fat. Yes.
21. I love Lemon Drops and Cape Cods, but don't like the taste of hard alcohol.
20. One drink will make me tipsy. Two drinks will make me drunk. Three drinks will put me to sleep.
19. Because of #20, I have never had a hangover.
18. I don't like iced tea.
17. I love Thai Iced Coffee.
16. I love Creme Brulee.
15. I love flan.
14. I love pudding.
13. I love chocolate mousse.
12. I would trade #13-16 for chocolate eclairs, but only the custard filled ones.
11. In college, I worked on campus in the donut shop. We got to eat all the donuts that broke. A lot of donuts broke. I gained 10 lbs.
10. During a dance audition one time, I fell out of my top.
9. #10 is only the third most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.
8. When I was in sixth grade, our class dissected a cow's eyeball. I insisted on bringing all the pieces home and keeping them in our refrigerator for three days, on a piece of cardboard and covered in plastic wrap.
7. In spite of #8, my family still speaks to me.
6. I have one blue eye and one green eye.
5. I have very long toes.
4. The Three Stooges never made me laugh, but Monty Python always does.
3. I would rather stay up until 6 a.m. than get up at 6 a.m.
2. I find the fact that you know all this about me very embarrassing.
1. I'm posting it anyway.