Childish Things

Kids today have it rough. Except for video games, so many toys have had the fun safety-ed and marketed right out of them. And snacks and cereals have followed close behind.

Cracker Jack Prizes
Stickers? Fake cheesy tattoos? Completely non funny jokes? This ain't Bazooka bubble gum, folks. Any old junk will not do. Choking hazard or not, you still can't beat plastic tops that actually spin, garish adjustable size rings that pinch your fingers, and small plastic magnifying glasses. These are the prizes that are worthy of the great Cracker Jack name.

Easy-Bake Ovens
My sister had the Easy-Bake Oven, and she was not interested in wasting her precious mixes on a little sister. So Easy-Bake and I have some history. But please, an Easy-Bake Microwave? Are you serious? Regular microwaves make nasty cakes, and even a 5 year old knows it. On the other hand, the Easy-Bake Gourmet Cookbook leaves me a bit torn. But after looking over the recipes, I think it's overkill. Anything that is baked with a lightbulb doesn't need to be gourmet. And do 5 year olds really want to make Chilaquiles with Roasted Tomato Salsa?

Creepy Crawlers
The whole point of Creepy Crawlers was the jiggly bugs you could make. It's about the bugs, man! And the reptiles. The new Creepy Crawlers Thing Maker? Girlie purple and blue plastic, and safety-revised to cook out of reach with a 60 watt light bulb. And the bugs mold doesn't come with the kit! You have to buy the cool molds separately. Gyp. And don't even get me started on the gooey glory that was Incredible Edibles!

Click Clacks
Click Clacks were fun, until our schools banned them. These were the only "co-ordination necessary" type toys I could ever use well. I know, we could conk ourselves pretty hard. But they were still cool.

Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch
While I always preferred plain Cap'n Crunch to all the other flavors (except in summer, which was Crunchberry time) Laughing Boy insists that Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch used to have a lot more peanut butter flavor. As he is a very honest person, I have to assume he is right and say "WTF?" on his behalf.

New Cereals
As long as I'm on the subject, we had Freakies. We had Quisp. We had Quake. Kids today have Ice Age 2: The Meltdown, coming soon to a cereal bowl near you! Freakies win this contest, tentacles down!