Invisible Woman

In Los Angeles, if you're over 40, you weigh more than your average shorn market sheep, and your jean size hits double digits you might as well be invisible.

It's kind of nice.

Things to do in LA if you're Invisible:

- Go to a bar and hang out waiting for your friends without getting hit on by every sleezoid in the place. These are the exact same scum who, last decade, used to talk to your chest while they handed you their "business" cards. Yeah right, buddy. You're a producer.

- Order a salad without asking them to hold the salad dressing, cheese, croutons and flavor.

- While you're actually enjoying your food without counting every last calorie, carb, and fat gram, get the dessert. Nobody's watching, get two!

- Wear a skirt to a concert without getting your ass pinched in the crowd.

- You don't have to listen to "Smile, Honey, it's not that bad!" from every guy you pass on your way to the bank in the morning.

- Wear anything you want when you go out at night. Dress up or dress down. Please yourself, without worrying about fending off the drunks.

There's more, but it's a million degrees and I'm going to go skinny dipping in Malibu. What? I'm invisible, right? Might as well enjoy it.