Friday, July 21, 2006

SUV Drivin' Yoga Queen

Dear SUV Drivin' Yoga Queen,

You have no idea how relieved all of us in Hole Foods were that you made it through your Hot Hot Hot Yoga Boot Camp extravaganza yesterday. We'd all been worried for you. So thanks for bellowing all the tres intimate details into your cell phone for us. We'd hate to have missed the fact that your bikini wax was... um ... chafing.

Sorry the rest of us had the gall to traipse off to grab our vegan soy lattes and gluten free cream puffs at the exact moment you had to get to your Pilates class.

I'm sure that Hot Hot Hot Yoga Boot Camp extravaganza must have been responsible for you having such trouble parking. Why, the class must have dried out your contacts until they curled up and fell out, right in the middle of downward facing dog. And you need every bit of that vision at the Hole parking lot, I know. Thanks to us commoners, parking was a bear. I can see why you needed to take up two spots with your Rolls Royce wanna be gold plated SUV. Wouldn't want to risk a ding. And what with the 42DD implants, and the 7 carat rock on your advertising finger, that explains the drift to the left right there.

I just have one suggestion. You might want to have your yogi explain the concept of karma to you. 'Cause if you're spending $40 a visit on your private Pilates sessions, $400 a month for your private gym membership with personal trainers 4 days a week, and another hundred plus a month on your yoga classes? Maybe you could find the stamina to walk another 15 feet and put your cart away. Rather than leaving it, say, smack dab in the middle of the handicapped parking spot.

It might just seem a tiny bit selfish to some people, making the handicapped parkers get out of their cars and move your cart before they park. Although I don't know why they'd complain. You're just giving them a free workout!

But don't worry, all your fans here at the Hole know how lazy those handicapped people are! We never see them in our Hot Hot Hot Yoga Boot Camp extravaganza classes, either.



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